I Dream
by DramaQueen14
Summary: i had never been dumped...he forced me...i loved him...he died...in dreams.....he comes GD RR angsty


I had never been dumped, I was never been the dumpee.i was always the one who said it's over. And you might think this a good thing, but it's not. There was one time when I regretted every minute of that day I broke up with him. When I stayed and wondered for months if I'd done the right thing, when I knew I hadn't. One time when each step I took was as if walking on nails. When with each step there was a knife jabbing at my heart. One time when I hated myself, 'cause I loved him. I loved him with every bit of energy I possesed, and who wouldn't hate one's self for breaking up with the person they loved?the circumstances blinded me. Everyone was against us, and I was scared. For the first time in my life I cowered. I wasn't scared in first year when I fought against Riddle. I fought bravely with my chin held high. I fought against evil, but I didn't fight for love. I went down without a fight. And I don't justify myself. I can't, and if there is any justification I won't take it, 'cause then I'll hate myself more. And hate myself more than I do I can't stand. But today for the first time I was dumped. I never gave Seamus hope. I always told him from the beginning I loved him like a friend. And he understood. So yesterday when he told me he found somebody else I hugged him and was truly happy for him. You see that proves that happinesss and love does exist, if not for me for other people.

If there was something I could wish for and have it come true. It would be this: to have me go through all the suffering Draco was meant for. To not have him suffer. I always wish for this. Because I love him so and hurt him too much. I couls see it in his eyes. Since the day I brokeup with him until the last time I saw him. But he never told me he hated me, instead he looked at me with pitiful eyes and felt sorry for me, but he never said "I hate you". And that just makes me hate myself more because I hurt him badly and he didn't hate me.

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FLASHBACK:

"I can't take it Draco" I said crying into his chest.

"Can't take what?" he said caustiously looking into my eyes, but I couldn't look at him.

"The guilt, the frustation. The signs that say we can't be together"

"You're giving in" he said his voice interpretating hatred

"No I can't, I love you too much, I can't be apart from you. It's just that because I love you I don't want you to be hurt"

"If you love me, you wouldn't give in"

"Draco, either way—" I started arguing but he stopped me with his bitter laugh. 

"And here I thught you loved me" He looked at me with pitiful eyes feeling sorry for me.

"I won't be there when you change your mind."

And after that I saw him a couple times in the hallways after a snog session, with lipstick smeared in his face, but I never showed my weakness in front of him. Once I even warned him he had lipstick smeared in his face. But inside my insides were twisting in jealousy. But I had no right to be jealous. One night soemone heard me crying in an abandoned classroom I'm not sure who but I suspected it to be him. The person walked until they were a foot away from me and then left. I could see the outstretched hand out of the corner of my eye but it slowly dropped. And I cried even more, because it was clear that all those threats had come true.

Flasback:

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"Weasley" I jumped afraid that I had gotten caught. I had just come in from being with Draco. He was so sweet! We had gotten a portkey that transported us to the beach. I sighed dreamily.

"Weasley" Someone hissed as they grabbed my wrist.

"What?" I practically shouted annoyed. Here I was happy and reliving the evening and he came up and disturbed me.

"Be quiet… follow me" it was Blaise. Blaise Zabini. I wasn't so lenient on sneaking off somewhere with a Slytherin, but he was Draco's friend.

"Ok, what?" I demanded as we we got in the Room of Requirement.

"Back off Malfoy"

"You're joking right?

"No"

"I'm not going to back off him. It's not like that. I Love him, Zabini. When you love someone you can't just stop just like that."

"If you really love him, you'd break it off with him"

"You know what Zabini? I'm not going to so that to him. I love him too much to do that"

"Do you know the consequences of this so called love between you guys?"  
"Zabini., this is not your business. You back off" I said as I started walking off

"He'll die" he said as I walked by. I stopped on my tracks and turned around slowly my eyes getting watery.

"You didn't know that did you?" I nodded slowly 'cause I knew htat was an option but didn't really think about it.

"As soon as his dad finds out about you two he'll kill him or oyu, or maybe both."

"I don't care if he kills me. I'm not afraid of death. Remember I faced death already? As long as I die loving Draco, I'll be happy."

"You see, If he kills you Draco will probably become a deatheater. You're the only thing that's making him think twice about becoming a deatheater, but if he kills you , Draco becoming a deatheater that's for sure. Then again he might kill Draco so nobody wins there."

"We could go far from here" I answered stubbornly.

"C'mon. Lucius Malfoy has spies everywhere. He'll track you down in no time" 

"No…" I couldn't believe it. It wasn't until now that I realized we were living in a fantasy, in a dream that sooner or later we had to wake up from. We couldn't be together. I barely realised it. I shook with tears and kneeled The sadness was too much for me. The frustation, it was too much. Everything sunk in. I really loved him and I couldn't be with him. Why? Why was life like this?

"Weasley are you ok?" I looked up and saw that he was worried.i couldn't answer him. I had to much pain inside me.

"Forget what I told you, Weasley. Okay. Go back to your dortm and act like I never told you anything. Forget everything I said" He said walking off.

"It's true isn't it?" he nodded slowly and told me once again to forget it

But I couldn't I put it at the back of my mind and continued with dRaco. After all, Lucius still hadn't found out, or so I thought. It was months aafter when he made an appeareance

Flashback:

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"Well, well if it isn't the Wealey whore who has my son's boxers in a twist. He ahs a good taste I see, but unfortunetely you're a Weasley" I was alone and had been caught off guard

"What the hell do you want?" He grabbed my wrists and pushed me against a wall.

"Leave my son alone"

"I will not let you or anyone get in between us" I said with all the hatred I could muster. He laughed in a sour way.

"So the weasel shows claws, eh? I don't care. You leave him alone"

"I love him and am not gonna break up with him because oyu say so"

"What do you want in order to leave him alone? Money?" He said gripping my wrists. I laughed mockingly

"For you to got to hell. And plus I wouldn't want your dirty money… I know where that comes from"

"Smart one… but do you know what will happen if you keep being with him?"

"If you're gonna thareathned me I'll tell you beforehand it isn't going to work"

"Well lket me tell you a fact. You won't live to see him again.or he might not live to see you again. And let me tell you with you out of the picture bit will be a lot easier to persuade him to be a deatheater. And if he refuses due to you, he's dead."

"You would really kill your own son?"

"Oh no I won't, but Voldemort will. And if you don't back of him you'll pay. If not you your family for sure will or even worse your boyfriend will."I clawed his face with my nails as best I could and got my wand out,"Petrificious Totalus" 

**_years afer_**

Lucius died 2 years after I broke up with Draco. By his own master they say. I never saw Draco after His Hogwarts graduation. I remember him walking to get his diploma tall and proud but cold. In the yer I was with him ihad learned may things about him and I could read him like a book. But as he was walking I saw in his eyes and there was nothing. No emotion, whatsoever. I wished him the best of luck if not to his face, I at least sent him a letter I never signed it tough. Altough I'm sure he knew who it was from. Blaise looked at me with cold eyes and that I rmember that would fire me up becaue in a way his words 'caused our break up. 

He joined the order and was a spy against Voldemort. He beacame a deatheater and acted like one too but it was that contact with Dumbledore that turned him to the good side. hE denied it of course, because according to him he waasn't good he was abd and evil, but he was a Malfoy and didn't like taking orders much less from a lunatic.

He died in the final battle. First he was tortured with the Crucio by voldemort as he found out he was a traitor and then he was just stunned. He was holding a picture of me and him together in in his left hand covering his heart. Among his belongings he had that letter I sent to him the day of his graduation. I remember as I was fighting when I heard a yell I knew it was him, my opponent was Bellatrix and I heard her laugh at her nephews cries. I launched on top of her and made her suffer like they made Draco. When the dark side fell, we were searching for dead order mebers bodies. I found his. There's no words to explain my reaction. All I can say I changed my life forever. I never got married. I didn't meet the perfect guy. Or let's just say I did but I lost him…forever.

I sometimes dream of him. He looks like an angel and he says my name softly. Somehow I tell him I love him. And he'll smile that half smirk of his and I'm glad to know that wherever he is he's still his usual self. Other times I'll tell him to take me with him and he'll answer that it's not my time yet. I'll get mad a little and tell him he left early and he'll let me know his time had come. His purpose had been served. Sometimes I wake up at night all sweaty and scared and then…I'll feel a precense. I can't see it but I know it's there. Then suddenly I feel secure and loved a feeling I haven't felt since when I was with Draco. On rare occasions I 'll find myself in a ballroom dressed all fancy with Draco by my side. I could actually feel him, like he's there, and we'll talk like nothing happened and then on a slow ballad he'll bend down and I'll feel his soft lips. If not in a ballroom we'll be picnicking watching the sunset. Or at the beach. Dreams are a funny thing. For other people a dream is what their heart desires. But for me it is ain a way what my heart desires, but I sometimes feel it's an alternate reality. A 3-dimensional passage that lets me communicate with my Draco.

I once told my brother about my alternate reality. He didn't believe me of course. He even tried to sed me to St. Mungo's. I immediality erased what I told him from his memory 'cuz I then knew it was Draco and my secret only. CrazY? Yea I am, maybe a little. But who wouldn't be if they were me? I just wait each day for night to fall so I could sleep and dream. I once tried to sleep all day but I realised it didn't work. And Draco told me he wanted me to get on with life. And I have. I became a doctor just like Draco once told me he wanted to be. Of course, his father didn't let him but that was his dream. But I still dream. And I dream. 

A/N I actually cried when I wrote this story!!!!

A/N Review…Review…Review…

"….people stay and people go, and some people leave forever…"


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